I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
