There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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