happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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