I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
