Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
