Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
