how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
