you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
