First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
