im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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