You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
