Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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