I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
