when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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