This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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