Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
