i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize