You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
