I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
