When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize