Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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