While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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