life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
