You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
