Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
