Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this will be a night to untag.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
