its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
