My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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