office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
