Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
