I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize