he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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