i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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