The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Panties = found
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
