just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
