there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
