I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
