I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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