i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
