shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
honey bunches of taint.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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