Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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