She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
