Taylor Swift is so right about you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you never un-have a 4some
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
