I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize