Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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