i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize