he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
