She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize