you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
