I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
