you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
