No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
