So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We're too hungover to prance.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
