Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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