do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just had sex bonerless
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
