I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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