They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
