Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
