they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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