how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
