I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
