i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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