she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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