sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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