Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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