I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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