3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
