he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
