If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
